The latest TIM update « Result #1 on May 5, 2008, 8:20am »
Ladies and Gentleman, I have exciting new news for you all! My Holly and I were driving around when we were lucky enough to get the rare opportunity to spot Tim himself! He was at a gas station speaking to a fat elderly man with a white beard we can only assume was Santa, who is not to be confused with Father Christmas (Tim). Santa drives a lame old large van that we bet he looks creepy with outside of elementary schools, whereas the awesomeness that is Tim apparently drives a hot red convertible sports car!
Re: The Legend of the Christmas Turtle: Legend or « Result #2 on Feb 12, 2008, 2:48pm »
For further proof of The Christmas Turtle, we see this wonderfully preserved stone painting. Found near Bethlehem by an archaeological team. Carbon dating puts the paints at the same time as Jesus was born. Not one expert has come out to disprove the authenticity of the painting on stone.
The Legend of the Christmas Turtle: Legend or Fact « Result #4 on Feb 12, 2008, 2:40pm »
Can one really call a truth a legend? Hardly. Then why do we call The Christmas Turtle a legend?
The North Star was bright that night. Far more bright than any other star in the sky. Mary was atop the donkey, heavy with child. Her husband, Joseph, lead her to the inn. We know this story well. It has been told and retold many times. But some versions have omitted an essential player in the fateful night, The Christmas Turtle.
"No room in the inn," those words rang out. So Joseph took Mary to a barn. There she would have to birth her miracle child. As she lay there in labor, many animals came to surround her. Feeling secure in this as nature and man co-exist in perfect harmony to await the same event, Mary glanced around at them, feeling comforted in their presence. As if they were watching out for her and her child. She knew they were there for her, not with her. As the pains got worse, a terrible event happened. Mary could not handle the pains of childbirth, and like many women, took this out on her husband, which lead to Joseph being put into a coma. All alone to birth her child, Mary then panicked. Then the animals parted. And slowly (very slowly) walked a turtle in the middle of the parted animals. When he reached Mary 20 feet (and two hours) later, she was about to have her child. The turtle then stood up like a man and reached in there. "He's breeched. This will be a difficult one," said the turtle. He slowly turned the baby around in the womb. All the while Mary screaming in pain. After some more difficult moments, the child was born. Just in time for Joseph to regain consciousness.
So The Christmas Turtle saved the day. If it were not for The Christmas Turtle, the story we all know would have been quite a different one. After that night, The Christmas Turtle went around from village to village and never spoke again. He was a wandering living ghost. Some say the witness of childbirth scarred him. He can still be seen from time to time, wandering. With no home, The Christmas Turtle forever roams the world… Slowly.
« Last Edit: Feb 12, 2008, 2:41pm by elizabethhoward
»
Father Christmas has been known as Tim since 1932. Decades earlier, he had dropped his wallet, and a young boy picked it up. He saw the name "Tim" on Father Christmas' driver's license (which recent intel tells us was for his red convertible sports car), but did not catch a last name. "Here you go sir," he said meekly, as he handed the wallet back. "Thank you little boy. You must promise never to tell anyone what you may have seen." "I promise, Santa," replied the boy. With a wink and a nod, Father Christmas said, "I'm Father Christmas, not Santa, you freaking moron!" and was gone.
The young boy, Jared Floder, told only one person this to get revenge for Father Christmas' insensitivity: his son, decades later as an old man on his deathbed. Unfortunately, his son had a big mouth, and ever since, all the world has affectionately called Father Christmas "Tim".
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WHO ELSE LOVES TIM????? ISN'T HE JUST THE COOLEST AND SEXIEST THING U EVER DID C?